Someone New

NEW should be an adjective that's happy, amusing and satisfying...

None of the above is describing how I'm feeling now, in fact, I'm feeling exactly the opposite of ALL!

I just got to know that he's found someone new yesterday night. I sounded very happy for him but I was crying and sobbing like an ugly child at the other side.

When he asked for a break up from me, he said that he needed more time on his own to deal with his problems, studies, mother-stress, sports, and many others... Then within a month we broke up, he found SOMEONE NEW. I broke down in tears when he confirmed my instincts, I had to ask him to find out, he didn't tell me out of a sudden...

I can very consciously tell that I still love him very much, very strong.

Then today, when I sent him a message asking something, he didn't reply for hours, then I sent another thinking that he's forgotten about replying me, maybe... After that, here he is, telling the FINAL TRUTH.

'Oh my god u just don get it don't you if i don't reply u its because i've got sumthin to do dat is the only reason i ended our relationship but u still do it even after we break up'

This is what exactly he sent me in his text message. So now he's trying to tell me that he broke up with me is just because I've been bugging him all these while, and not the problems, studies, mother-stress, sports, and many more?

Am I that annoying, disturbing and/or irritating?

I've been telling him constantly, if you ever find me annoying, disturbing or irritating, please let me know instantly! I've been reminding him ALL THE TIME, and he always says 'No'...

I know I could be very demanding for a reply most of the times, that's why I asked and reminded to prevent what's happening right now from happening... I knew it! Still I couldn't prevent it, I feel so dumb and stupid now T_T

I cried and sobbed the whole night at my close friends' unit last night, and had heavy supper in there. I just had to eat, I was so hungry after all the crying and sobbing...

I was there with many caring friends until about 1.30am, then I went back to my own unit. I laid myself on the bed, hoping to sleep soon as my eyes were really sore and tired but images of him and the times we had together kept on appearing. I felt like crying again, but I felt as if I haven't got anymore tears left to continue crying... So yea, sleepless night was the conclusion.

Then when I woke up this morning, eyes were still sore. I did my morning routine and went to college. We've got three lectures today, and all three tutors asked if I'm OK x.x I think I really looked like an ugly pig today with the sore eyes, fatigue and emotion-look... I know I was very emotional the whole day, even now, I can't help but keep thinking of our happy days that we used to have. No worries, nothing. My mother also realised something is wrong until she asked if I'm alright, she rarely ask me such questions!

Great, Calvin the Great Actor has finally failed to deceive even one person for once.

I don't think Adrian knows about this blog but I think I should tell him and ask him to read how my feelings are because I really don't know how am I suppose to express how I feel to him, or does it still matter to him?