The Condition Of Our Hostel *embarrassing* x.x

The picture above will do all the speaking for me this time, I don't have to describe the condition.

This scene is definitely from the kitchen, and try guessing how many days has it been like this?

Weeks!!!

Yea, you won't believe it! Sometimes people just don't know how to wash it once they're done. We never had such problems until the juniors come in.

Now, the college is trying to place a foreign tutor to stay with us. See how embarrassing is it? x.x

Such condition disgusts me very much.

It's more like a pig sty rather than a hostel for HUMANS.

Influence

I happened to realise something.

Every evening, I'll do my push-ups and sit-ups... It's became a habit to me. Thinking back, this habit is actually instilled by Adrian, it's a good influence from him XD LOL...

I remember he once told me, 'I want the both of us to be healthy and fit.'

So even though I don't have time and don't quite like jogging, he urged me to do some exercise at home on my own to keep myself healthy and fit =) From then on, I did as I was told (I'm a very good boy xp)...

Eventually, it became a habit to me now.

Hypocrisy

How hypocritical can one be?!

I learnt a lesson today, and I've promised myself to not trust anyone so easily anymore!

When you treat someone well, they just don't appreciate it. I don't know why, but there are just many hypocrites appearing to me nowadays...

I'm definitely disgusted by their act.

I must really upgrade my 'Firewalls' to the highest level possible!

I'll not let this repeat again, and don't you hypocrites dare come near me and take freaking advantage of me then turn around and back stab me! Such attitude is not acceptable, it's just simply not acceptable.

I promise I'll not have pity on you.

I promise I'll ward you away from me. So far away that I could no longer see how hypocritical you are because hypocrisy DISGUSTS me very much!

Presentation Done =.=

Yea, the presentation for Anal Fistula I did last night was done... Unfortunately, it wasn't done by me!!! What a waste of time to prepare that presentation and someone presented it, and it wasn't even presented with the slides that I've prepared!

Great, isn't it?

I was really disappointed.

What to do? The Tutors here have the absolute authority x.x

It's an autocratic community here.

I'm Still Awake Because Of Presentation

Anal fistula happens to be the presentation I'm working on tonight, and I've just finished it. Look at the time!!! Oh, gosh... Looks like I'm improving in being a nocturnal breed x.x

Ms Uhsa said that she wanted it to be presented tomorrow, that's why I'm doing it till the middle of the night. Well, no doubt, the 'last minute' attitude also contributes to it @_@

Come on! What happened to my new year resolutions?! >_<

Memento

Everyone's been asking, why is that thing still around your ankle?

I never knew the exact answer to tell them but I thought, it's not yet time to remove it. Simply because I still LOVE him.

It's a gift from him to me, in fact, it's the ONLY gift I've ever received from him. It is that important.

This ankle-band contains many memories, so many that it meant more than just merely a memento. I just couldn't let it go now, perhaps time but I really don't know how long will I take.

I could still remember so clearly the day when he tied the ankle-band on me. I asked if the ankle-band is used to tie me down to him forever.

He answered, 'YES.'

I think I'm just an ignorant fool to him now, a fool that wouldn't accept the changed reality.

Love Described

'Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' -1Co 13:4-7

I got this from a bible, obviously... LOL...

No matter how much of a freethinker I am, I find these words very truthful as it is how I really feel towards you, except maybe the 'does not behave indecently' x.x

Well, relationships in our circle are significantly very different from the 'ordinary' ones. So comparisons are strictly not allowed.

Anyway, it doesn't seem indecent to us XD

Someone New

NEW should be an adjective that's happy, amusing and satisfying...

None of the above is describing how I'm feeling now, in fact, I'm feeling exactly the opposite of ALL!

I just got to know that he's found someone new yesterday night. I sounded very happy for him but I was crying and sobbing like an ugly child at the other side.

When he asked for a break up from me, he said that he needed more time on his own to deal with his problems, studies, mother-stress, sports, and many others... Then within a month we broke up, he found SOMEONE NEW. I broke down in tears when he confirmed my instincts, I had to ask him to find out, he didn't tell me out of a sudden...

I can very consciously tell that I still love him very much, very strong.

Then today, when I sent him a message asking something, he didn't reply for hours, then I sent another thinking that he's forgotten about replying me, maybe... After that, here he is, telling the FINAL TRUTH.

'Oh my god u just don get it don't you if i don't reply u its because i've got sumthin to do dat is the only reason i ended our relationship but u still do it even after we break up'

This is what exactly he sent me in his text message. So now he's trying to tell me that he broke up with me is just because I've been bugging him all these while, and not the problems, studies, mother-stress, sports, and many more?

Am I that annoying, disturbing and/or irritating?

I've been telling him constantly, if you ever find me annoying, disturbing or irritating, please let me know instantly! I've been reminding him ALL THE TIME, and he always says 'No'...

I know I could be very demanding for a reply most of the times, that's why I asked and reminded to prevent what's happening right now from happening... I knew it! Still I couldn't prevent it, I feel so dumb and stupid now T_T

I cried and sobbed the whole night at my close friends' unit last night, and had heavy supper in there. I just had to eat, I was so hungry after all the crying and sobbing...

I was there with many caring friends until about 1.30am, then I went back to my own unit. I laid myself on the bed, hoping to sleep soon as my eyes were really sore and tired but images of him and the times we had together kept on appearing. I felt like crying again, but I felt as if I haven't got anymore tears left to continue crying... So yea, sleepless night was the conclusion.

Then when I woke up this morning, eyes were still sore. I did my morning routine and went to college. We've got three lectures today, and all three tutors asked if I'm OK x.x I think I really looked like an ugly pig today with the sore eyes, fatigue and emotion-look... I know I was very emotional the whole day, even now, I can't help but keep thinking of our happy days that we used to have. No worries, nothing. My mother also realised something is wrong until she asked if I'm alright, she rarely ask me such questions!

Great, Calvin the Great Actor has finally failed to deceive even one person for once.

I don't think Adrian knows about this blog but I think I should tell him and ask him to read how my feelings are because I really don't know how am I suppose to express how I feel to him, or does it still matter to him?

Emptiness

I feel so empty today...

I actually don't know what to post today, but really feel like posting something. So here I am posting 'something', while thinking of 'someone' at the same time.

As mentioned, I feel empty maybe because I'm neglected? Please don't ask me how am I neglected, if I knew, I would've solved the problem instead of posting 'rubbish' here x.x

By the way, I was talking to Andrew on the phone just now and he told me that there are people who're actually annoyed by the way I speak!!! Oh gosh... I really didn't know that until this day!

He commented that I'm speaking in a very formal manner. Well, I might realise that but I really didn't know it'll annoy people! LOL... Anyway, many of my friends believe that my formality is due to my family background and the way I'm brought up. So I guess that explains it all, only close friends understand me xp

I think they're the only people who could stand me, is it so? XD LOL...

Permission Granted

Yay!!!

I've finally got the green light from my mother to buy my long awaited Riedell 117 Red Ribbon, but of course, I'll have to bear the cost on my own x.x

Still, I'm really happy that she allowed me to have my own pair of skates!

Priorities

I realised something.

I realised that from the day Adrian put his other commitments before me, no one is placing me as their first priority anymore, NOT A SINGLE person... I no longer feel like I'm the 'someone' anymore.

I know my parents had always been placing me first, but the 'first' is shared among others as well, like my brother... I need a concentrated 'FIRST'.

I know how demanding I can get XD It's just something I've longed for and I got it once but have lost it now...

Well, I also have close friends, like REALLY CLOSE, but that friend just couldn't place me first as well. Please get me right, I'm not blaming or putting fault in anyone because I know that everyone has got their own commitment and their priorities are really on their very own discretion. Strictly not to be questioned.

I just feel so troubled and I'm trying to find myself again in such life, a life where no one's able to give me the concentrated 'FIRST'.

Resolutions For Year 2009

A new year always comes with new resolutions!

Now these are my resolutions for year 2009:
1) Study smart.
2) Achieving 3.5 CGPA and above.
3) Behave myself in college.
4) Don't allow any Tutors or Clinical Instructors to be able to find fault in me.
5) Save more money for rainy days.
6) Spend wisely on necessary expenditures.
7) Not hunting for a new partner, so I could focus more on my studies.
8) Not allowing anyone to hurt the fragile me anymore (Firewalls UP!).
9) Gain more respect from everyone.
10) Dedicate more time on ice skating lessons.
11) Dedicate more time for SJAM (St John Ambulance of Malaysia) activities.
12) Dedicate more time for CHARM activities.
13) Be a superhero for being able to dedicate time for so many things at once XD
14) Be more observant.
15) Be more caring.
16) Be more loving.
17) Evaluate myself more frequently.
18) Stop the 'last minute habit'.
19) Use an organiser throughout the year.
20) Have more fun with friends.

I think 20 resolutions are enough for a year XD Hehe...

By the way, I was at Sungai Wang for the countdown last night. I was on SJAM duty and it was crazy over there! Everyone was spraying the party sprays like they're free... It's polluting the air and most of us had mild difficulty in breathing, it wasn't that bad but it was so bad that I had to come home and take Piriton, an anti-histamine xp My nose was blocked and I was sneezing away! LOL...

Besides that, it was fun =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!