Emptiness

I don't know what to post today but yet I feel like posting something to fill up my time.

I've been spending my weekends with Baby but of course, not any more lately. It's a bit empty though but then I picked up a hobby that I used to have but left behind without any reasons XD I'm back into reading! =p

After Dan Brown's 'The Lost Symbol', I'm reading a book called 'Maximise Your Brain Power' o_O It's a book published by Reader's Digest and I thought it might help me somehow =D

I don't know, I feel like I've lost a target in life and my current aim is to gain more knowledge in the topics that I'm interested in to fill up my time and to make me a better person =) I think it's the right choice to make.

This post is pretty full of crap but I just had to post something as I feel like posting x.x I'm getting very random lately and I'd categorise my condition as rationally irrational @_@ LOL...

Yea, think about what it means. You might've gone through such stage in life before =X

~I love you, Baby!~

Rationality

I am currently in the state of being rationally irrational x.x

I don't know how many people would understand what I just wrote, but this is going to be very hard for me to go through T_T

I'd never ever dreamt that I would allow this to happen to me! I couldn't even believe that I've such level of tolerance and patience @_@

~I love you, Baby!~

Thank You!

Thank you, Baby!!!

I love you =)

Muax!!!

Chance

I have been given a chance to prove myself worthy once again, thank you for your generosity! I'll really appreciate this chance and tell you that you haven't made the wrong choice and you'll never regret giving me this chance.

I'll value this very much as it's something that I've been waiting for!

Tomorrow is the day and I'm hoping for the best =D

Despite my friends telling me not to expect too much, I must have faith. I told them, I'm not expecting for the best, but I'm hoping for it =)

He is so precious and dear to me, and I'm so anxious for tomorrow to come @_@

Baby, I WILL NOT disappoint you once again! Muax <3

~Te amo, my Baby~

End Point Of Life

I witnessed a LSCS + BTL at the OT just now.

First, please allow me to explain the short forms or jargon:

1) LSCS - Lower segment Caesarean section

2) BTL - Bilateral tubular ligature

3) OT - Operating theatre

So what happened was, there was excessive bleeding during the LSCS and the patient's BP was so low, 3x/2x was the lowest recorded. The anaesthetist of the surgery was so worried, so I guess he called for help from the other anaesthetists around and about three or four other anaesthetists came in one after another trying to help.

They did so much to keep her alive, dopamine, calcium carbonate, bicarbonate and many other drugs were used. They transfused a total of 14 pints of whole blood into her, I still have yet to mention about the amount of platelet, fresh frozen plasma and cryoprecipitate transfused, so imagine the severity of her condition.

As a Student Nurse, all I can do there was just to watch how the whole commotion took place and send the blood samples to ICU for ABG stat, I ran to the ICU back and forth for three times x.x All the results showed acidosis.

When I look at such commotion taking place, I can't help but to think of LIFE again. That patient's life was at stake, she was really at the border of her own life and she could've just died there if she didn't hold on. Blood was oozing like waterfalls, literally! The drapes, gowns of doctors and nurses, and even the floor are full of blood!

I thought, life's still life, she may just die there, leaving her husband and newborn daughter behind to mourn for her every year on her daughter's birthday. It's the sacrifice and love ONLY a mother could afford to pay to bring her children into this world. I was impressed by ALL the mothers in this world, no matter what kind of mothers they could be.

About my life, I thought, if I were to be on that table and I really died, means my life just ended LIKE THAT. I haven't done enough in life, I haven't achieve enough in life, I haven't try many things in life! How can I just die like that? I still have many regrets and unsolved issues.

Thinking about all these actually made me realise how important is it for me to appreciate life RIGHT NOW! Appreciate who you have in your life. Say, 'I love you!' to the people you love before it's too late. Never linger around a mistake or hate someone for their mistake for too long as you might just lose them the next day, then it'll be too late for you to say that you love them any more because they won't be able to hear it from you FOREVER.

So take this golden chance, if you love them, say so. Don't let anything small, little or petty get in between you and the people you love, so you won't regret in the future.

That's what I've been doing all these while =)

END *Full Stop*

Baby just called me, he told me that he really has no more feelings for me and asked me not to wait any more, and I should also not bother his life and waste his time any more.

We talked for another half an hour x.x

We have reached a conclusion, where I have agreed to his terms and conditions and I am given another chance to be put into consideration to be his brother. Thank you once again.

Right now, as long as I still have love for him, I'll wait. He can come back to me any time if he suddenly realised that he still loves me or realised that I've changed into a better person, no matter what he'd done. This is also what I told him.

While waiting for him, I won't be searching for another, I'd rather concentrate on my studies and career (after my studies). So in the future, I'll be able to make more money XD

I know I used to say that I don't want much money, but now, I need the money for my daughter and my Baby IF he really comes back =P I can't help it to be prepared =X Hehe...

From now on, I will only care for him as my brother until further notice =D

Good night and sweet dreams, my dear Baby Brother!

To Protect Or To Hurt

I remember this well as it made me realise how much my Baby actually cared for me... ...

When he found out about what had happened between IB, his boyfriend and me, he told me that he'll take revenge and protect me from all those who'll harm and hurt my feelings.

At that moment, all I can feel is security, protection, cared and LOVED!

Thank you.

Now, whatever Baby is doing is surprisingly opposite to what he said less than a month ago! I just can't believe how can a person changed so quickly T_T

No matter what, I'll wait.

Please Blame Me

'Please Blame Me'

Do anyone of you see that written on my forehead or permanently stuck to any part of my body? -.-

I just don't understand, why do I always get the blame whenever something had gone wrong?! Am I taken for granted? I'm the easiest target, perhaps?

People, please analyse the situation properly before you put the fault onto anyone =.=

I might be tolerant but there could still be a limit, please identify as I'm sure I'm not the appropriate person to identify my limits for you? @_@

If you have trouble identifying it, simply let me know and I'll do my best to guide you through the identification process promptly and politely XD

~Te Amo, Baby. I'm still waiting for the miracle to happen.~

My Plea

Dear Baby

I had been found guilty and I plea for forgiveness.

I don't know what else can I ask for from you as I'm the one who ruined your supposed-happy-forever relationship. I don't even dare to ask for anything more.

Chance is the thing that I'd asked for and we really didn't give that chance enough time to prove my worthiness. After the given chance, I didn't do anything wrong at all and you revoked it, which hurt us both so much.

I'm sorry for your hurtful feelings that I caused indirectly.

Right here, right now, I'm asking for a SOLID CHANCE to prove my worthiness. Please grant and approve my plea. My life has been agonising without you.

Give me that chance to serve you a better happy-forever relationship.

I PLEA!!!

Love

Your Honey